ZEN AND THE WISDOM OF LIFE
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you are unique -- just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force--It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
What's a girl to do?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I've been entering contests like crazy these past couple of months. Well, more often than usual, and by usual, I mean not at all. So two or three is a big number number for me.
I kind of like doing everything electronically: fill out the electronic entry form, pay through electronic PayPal, upload my story partial straight to their website, and that's all there is to it...until I encountered a problem.
I was entering this one contest recently (like yesterday), and the rules were a bit scattered. I'm one of those people that likes steps to her rules. Step one: fill out this form. Step two: follow the link to pay for entry...and so forth.
After reading all the rules and FAQs, I decided to give it a go and entered the contest. Well, first of all, the entry form link didn't work, so I rooted around the website until I found another link for it. Once I made it there, I filled out the entry form without a problem. Directly upon submitting my information, it sent me straight to PayPal to pay...yay! All good there, too.
Then, I got a little lost.
I went back to the rules to see what to do next. When I found a line that said to send all attachments to such and such an email, I figured, okay, that's where I send my story. So I emailed the contest coordinator, letting him/her know I'd filled out the electronic entry form, already paid via paypal, and that my story was attached in an RTF file, which is what the rules said to save our stories under.
Sent that off and then opened an email I got from the contest. And in that confirmation letter, it said something about going to this other link to upload your story entry directly to their site.
Yikes.
Thinking I'd messed up and shouldn't have sent anything at all to the coordinator, I sent her a "sorry" note, explaining how I'd just received my instructions to upload my entry and to please ignore my earlier email.
But after I went to the upload screen, the freaking thing wouldn't let me upload my RTF file. Ugh. So, back to the coordinator I wrote another letter. "Yes, sorry, it's me again, but I have a slight problem."
You know, I really hate being that picky person that writes email after email to someone. They probably think I'm a nut by now. I haven't heard a response from any of my three wacky emails yet, though technically, it wasn't all that long ago, so there's still plenty of time for someone to respond.
What's worse, after about five or six times of trying to upload that stupid story on two different computers, I thought, "I'm trying this in a DOC file instead of an RTF file, and see what happens." AND IT ACCEPTED THE DOC FILE!!!
Can you believe the nerve of that computer? A DOC file.
So, now....do I write the poor, harnessed coordinator AGAIN and tell him/her that the computer accepted my story in DOC, though the rules clearly said RTF? Plus, there really is a line that says to send all attachments to coordinator, but what attachment am I supposed to send? All prompts have already led me to upload all my entry and entry information straight to their site.
Maybe I was supposed to send a second copy of the story to the coordinator, after all.
I'm so confused.
Sigh. I have to bug him/her again to find out my answers, don't I? I hate that.
I kind of like doing everything electronically: fill out the electronic entry form, pay through electronic PayPal, upload my story partial straight to their website, and that's all there is to it...until I encountered a problem.
I was entering this one contest recently (like yesterday), and the rules were a bit scattered. I'm one of those people that likes steps to her rules. Step one: fill out this form. Step two: follow the link to pay for entry...and so forth.
After reading all the rules and FAQs, I decided to give it a go and entered the contest. Well, first of all, the entry form link didn't work, so I rooted around the website until I found another link for it. Once I made it there, I filled out the entry form without a problem. Directly upon submitting my information, it sent me straight to PayPal to pay...yay! All good there, too.
Then, I got a little lost.
I went back to the rules to see what to do next. When I found a line that said to send all attachments to such and such an email, I figured, okay, that's where I send my story. So I emailed the contest coordinator, letting him/her know I'd filled out the electronic entry form, already paid via paypal, and that my story was attached in an RTF file, which is what the rules said to save our stories under.
Sent that off and then opened an email I got from the contest. And in that confirmation letter, it said something about going to this other link to upload your story entry directly to their site.
Yikes.
Thinking I'd messed up and shouldn't have sent anything at all to the coordinator, I sent her a "sorry" note, explaining how I'd just received my instructions to upload my entry and to please ignore my earlier email.
But after I went to the upload screen, the freaking thing wouldn't let me upload my RTF file. Ugh. So, back to the coordinator I wrote another letter. "Yes, sorry, it's me again, but I have a slight problem."
You know, I really hate being that picky person that writes email after email to someone. They probably think I'm a nut by now. I haven't heard a response from any of my three wacky emails yet, though technically, it wasn't all that long ago, so there's still plenty of time for someone to respond.
What's worse, after about five or six times of trying to upload that stupid story on two different computers, I thought, "I'm trying this in a DOC file instead of an RTF file, and see what happens." AND IT ACCEPTED THE DOC FILE!!!
Can you believe the nerve of that computer? A DOC file.
So, now....do I write the poor, harnessed coordinator AGAIN and tell him/her that the computer accepted my story in DOC, though the rules clearly said RTF? Plus, there really is a line that says to send all attachments to coordinator, but what attachment am I supposed to send? All prompts have already led me to upload all my entry and entry information straight to their site.
Maybe I was supposed to send a second copy of the story to the coordinator, after all.
I'm so confused.
Sigh. I have to bug him/her again to find out my answers, don't I? I hate that.
Fourth Anniversary Book Contest
Friday, September 2, 2011
Starting MONDAY (September 5th), TheWritersvineyard.com will be throwing a huge, HUGE contest, lasting every Monday until November 28th (that's thirteen weeks of prizes!!!).
To celebrate their fourth anniversary, at least one Champagne Books author will give away a prize (prizes consist of books--print, e-wise, or on CD--plus other goodie bags).
Here's how to play:
Each Monday an author will announce their mystery question to win a paperback. You simply go to their website (which will be provided in the blog) and search for the answer hidden in their excerpts. Then you submit your answer to that author's email (also provided in the blog). The winner will be randomly drawn from correct answers by the next Monday.
In concordance with print book contest, a contest for ebooks will occur every other Monday, and play the same way as the print contest.
I guess there are a few rules though. I know, ugh. They are...
- For paperbacks, CD, and goodie bag prizes, which are shipped via snail mail, only USA and Canada residents can play.
- Winners of E copies can be from anywhere.
- To be fair to all, you can only win a prize one time.
So, on THIS MONDAY, go forth, my lovely blogger buddies, and check The Writers Vineyard every week for a chance to win something new!!
My book-HOT COMMODITY-will start its contest to win a print copy on October 3rd (I think...I'll let you know when the times comes for certain though!).
Have a great Labor Day weekend!
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