Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy,
Was he?
This poem reminded of one of my rejection letters, probably because I repeat the silly saying a million times a day to my baby (Hey, they say it's good for an infant's brain development to hear lots of rhyming verses. I have to say it's not so good for Mom's sanity however. But anyway...)
One editor told me I needed to develop my showing-and-not-telling abilities a little better. She went on to explain that she'd highlighted text in my story where I was telling instead of showing. I was stunned she'd went to so much work for my little ol' story and I was really excited about revising her highlighted spots.
Except...when I opened the document, only the words WAS, WERE, HAVE, and HAD were highlighted.
Interesting teaching technique, huh? I thought so. It certainly opened my eyes to how much I actually do tell instead of show.
Though ninety percent of WAS/WERE in a story could most certainly be crumpled and thrown in a trash can, I think there are still a few instances where WAS is the best word choice.
Like in the first few lines of J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone :
"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."
Other times, it can be fairly easy to fix a was/were and have/had problem like in the sentences:
He was a dog once. Now he was human.
Which can easily turn to...
Once a dog, Rover now roamed with the human crowd.
And...that's all I have to say about that. Be on a lookout for those sneaky telling words.
Just wait until the Barney years and then you'll really go crazy... :O)
ReplyDelete"I love youuuu, you love meeeee, we're a happy famileeee..."
ReplyDeleteI still like Barney, even though my last one was more influenced by Spongebob, due to his anti-Barney older siblings. And I also miss Shining Time Station...but I digress.
(Thanks Diane!)
What was I going to say? Oh yeah...in my Arbor U, I have not only a bad head-hopping habit, there's also the tell vs show problem. I got better as the series went on...I hope!
Oh goodness. I am such a passive writer. I am trying to learn and am now able to see alot of my passitivity. Well, at least I hope I am catching most of it. lol
ReplyDeleteEeke! Well, sounds like a helpful editor. All I'm getting are form rejects, which is *sniffle* not great.
ReplyDeleteLove your attitude here, though I'm sorry for the rejection.
Good reminder!
ReplyDeleteI think it would be silly to try to kill all passive verbs. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, after all. But one thing I did when revising was to change the color of the text of all passive verbs, then try to replace with active verbs. (I do this also with adverbs: "he said angrily" becomes "he shouted" etc.)
ReplyDeleteThanks alot, Molly and Diane. Now I'm going to have the Barney song stuck in my head all day!! That's as bad as Fuzzy. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Sherrinda! Spotting a passive line is more than half the battle, so I bet you're doing great on revisions.
Hey Jessica! When I read about people like J. K. Rowlings getting rejections, I just drop my jaw and think, why would anyone on earth reject THEM? But then you read agent and publisher blogs and learn only about 1% or even less of submissions get accepted, it's a miracle I ever sold one story must less 4!
Hey, Jennifer. Thanks for stopping by.
And Hi Beth. I love your advice. Thank you. That's ANOTHER thing I need to keep my eye on.
Hey Linda! I have some was words in my story. They are needed. But I always try to change them and then that helps me see that I need or don't need that ugly-ugly passive verb.
ReplyDeleteBTW, was is my favorite word. I really didn't know about my love for was until I started writing. My crit partner, Beth above, found over 400 was words in one of my drafts of SEVENTY TWO HOURS. Now if that ain't love, I don't know what is. ;)
I have loved looking at the pics of our girl, Lydia. She is growing fast. Picked out her college yet? I have some ideas, email me. *wink*