Friday Forwards - #7

It's Friday Forwards time again (my sharing with you of funny emails I get forwarded to me).

Today, I actually have a source for my post. It comes from the website One Sentence (True Stories Told in One Sentence).

And remember : if you have some great jokes you receive on your emails, please feel free to forward them to me at Linda(at)Linda Kage(dot)com. I'll make sure they get posted (but they have to be clean--public forum here, remember!!).

True Stories Told In One Sentence

When I was 5 or so my mom would tell me to lie down before she tied my tie and I just now realized at the age of 19 that she did this because she's a funeral director.


My 8-year-old sister proudly declared that she knows that "WTF" means "Wow, That's Funny" and has been using it all over the internet.


The worst thing about secret girlfriends is that when they get hit by cars you're not supposed to cry.


It was the perfect revenge, until I came home and the cops were already waiting for me.


As I woke up from my nap to find written on my feet "This is my momma and you can't have her," I realized that my child is very, very strange.


My online dating service matched me with my cousin.


My friend Bob loved his vinyl records so much that he used to obsess about which ones to save if his house caught fire but when it actually happened he chose his girlfriend instead.


Arriving home after sitting in traffic for two hours, I said to myself, "Oh, wait, I don't live here anymore."


I know 18 digits of pi and can recite the quadratic equation, but I still need to make an L with my hand to find out where left is.


It was one of those exams that you absolutely must pass if you want to continue in the program, and I failed the set-your-alarm-clock-properly portion.


His efforts were so valiant, I didn't have the heart to tell him it was front clasp.


Three years into my English major, I finally ran out of BS.


I married my husband on our first date, but it has taken me more than 5 years to decide what colour to paint our dining room.


I was nearly sent to the hospital because I could not convince the school nurse that my head had always been this shape.

If Only She Could Talk

WHAT WOULD SHE SAY???

(Lydia at eleven weeks)


Ooh...Ahh...Whatever could that thing be up there?

A bird? A plane? Superman?

Nope. It's just a toucan, monkey and tree frog. But still...how fascinating.

Yes, I know. I'm gorgeous in summer apparel, right?

This outfit is so not working for me. Put the other back on. Mom!
Take-it-off-take-it-off-take-it-off!!!!

Ahh. Much better. But seriously. Last picture. No More.

Mother, weren't you listening? Last picture. And enough of the hat. The hat has to go.

Lessons Learned...The Rejection Way #5

Recurring Repetitiveness

Some bloggers out there are amazing about giving writing advice, it makes me jealous. I’ve always wanted to be able to use my fourteen years of writing experience to somehow help others, but I still don’t feel as if I have any useful knowledge to share. The only thing I'm good at is making mistakes…so, I started my “Lessons Learned” series, and decided to share my mistakes to help others.

Here is the fifth reason I’ve received a rejection for a submitted manuscript.

I usually receive rejections for problems with the actual storyline itself. Plot complications. But on one (okay, maybe two) rejections, I was lectured for my actual writing style. I tend to repeat myself, or at least add extra stuff I really don’t need to add.

Here’s an example. I like to say stuff like, “He kicked her with his foot,” or “He felt himself smile.” Or “He really shouldn’t get so much satisfaction from hurting his sister, he thought.” In each of those phrases, I can tighten and cut out a lot of repetitive, unnecessary stuff.

On the first sentence, I should’ve cut out “with his foot” because, honestly, what else would he kick her with? His ear?

Next, always try to erase the word feel, felt, or feeling if you can help it (or so I’ve learned). The second sentence would’ve been much tidier if I’d simply said, “He smiled.”

And finally…if you’re writing from one person’s point of view, you really don’t need to add “he thought” since we’re pretty much reading everything he’s thinking already.

Ergo, the three lines should go a little something more like: Jack kicked her and smiled. He really shouldn’t get so much satisfaction from hurting his sister.

But that’s just receptiveness on the sentence level. I’ve also been accused of doing it on the paragraph level. I’ll describe something in one sentence, and then in the next line, I’ll say basically the same thing another way. So, stay on the lookout for that too; try to cut out as much as you can.

Good luck with your WIP.